Cooking by the Book
by zenonaa
Summary: 'Sure, nothing stopped them from simply buying this year's chocolates, but then Junko wouldn't have been able to learn who planned on giving who what. That much freedom would allow them to give their honmei choco on the sly. Then there was all the glorious despair that would inevitably ensue...' togafuka naegiri asakure hints/allusions to other ships


Junko Enoshima had a way with words but she noticed people listened more attentively when her sister tagged along. Not that Junko would ever contribute these successes to her sister. It just saved time if Mukuro accompanied her around the dormitories as they gathered their classmates for chocolate-making. With Valentine's Day fast approaching, any saved time was welcome. Sure, nothing stopped them from simply buying this year's chocolates, but then Junko wouldn't have been able to learn who planned on giving who what. That much freedom would allow them to give their honmei choco on the sly. Then there was all the glorious despair that would inevitably ensue. All that humiliation and unrequited love... how could she not share in it with her friends?

Certain classmates were easier to convince to partake in the 'bonding' session than others. Sayaka Maizono enthused over such an activity upon hearing it and made Junko's job a hell of a lot easier by turning to Kyouko Kirigiri and remarking how fun it would be if they all took part. To which the latter smiled and complimented the opportunity, confirming her attendance. The pair joined Junko and Mukuro in their scavenger hunt. Aoi Asahina agreed without any persuasion required which meant Sakura Oogami also agreed.

Everyone else fell into place. Celestia Ludenberg consented. Chihiro Fujisaki relented. Even gloomy Touko Fukawa, after peeking through the crack of her door and spotting both Sakura and Mukuro, yielded. They trooped into the kitchen with Junko at the front.

Encountering unwanted guests by the names of Leon Kuwata and Mondo Oowada, she seized a broom and threatened them until they departed. She inhaled through her nose- the smell of burned pizza mingled with that of the fresh fruits stationed to the side of the room. Unpleasant, but it didn't matter. Once they got to work, the aroma of the chocolate would supplant the stench of the previous visitors' attempts at cooking.

Checking the kitchen for spies and finding none, she slammed the door shut. As everyone recovered from the consequent bang, she broke away from the group and stood herself beside the central countertops. Then, beaming, she gestured toward the ingredients laden on top of the nearest two of these worksurfaces and announced the chocolate-making officially open. Everybody soon clustered around their self-proclaimed queen, who pushed aside a carrier bag so she could sit herself onto her self-proclaimed throne.

Well... almost everybody huddled around her.

"I... I still don't see why we can't just buy the chocolates," Touko said, bunching up a handful of her skirt when she unclenched her fists then clenched them again. She had yet to stray from the kitchen door as if she thought she would catch something should she progress too far in. "Why should I have to be forced into spending time in a stuffy room with all you?"

If anything, Junko mused, they would catch Touko's cloud of ultra-depressing lameness that seemed to follow her around wherever she went. Was this how she intended to thank her queen? By questioning her? What a super effective attack against her queen's kindness. No one else would have invited her along. No one except the one and only Junko Enoshima. She should have been honoured.

Resolving to be the bigger woman, Junko used a full restore and slouched forward. She crossed one leg over the other and cupped her hands around her knees. "Fukawa-san," she said, "buying chocolates is bee to the oring and sneh to the oring! Boring snoring! If you want to buy chocolate, buy giri choco! But not honmei choco! What if you misjudge? What if you accidentally bought a loser a honmei choco?"

Gasping, Junko slapped herself and kept her hand against her cheek as she pressed on.

"What if you gave your Super Highschool Level Darling a giri choco?"

Junko slapped her other hand against her other cheek. She squished them together and spoke next in her super-adorable-and-sort-of-sexy-if-you're-into-that-kind-of-thing voice.

"Upupupu, doing something like that would ruin your entire life! Fukawa-chan, don't you want to give your darling a super tasty choco?"

Upon hearing Junko's words of wisdom, Touko's face reddened but not with elation. "That's-!" She threw forward her arm and pointed a finger at Junko. "You're m-making fun of me! I can tell! You know I can't make chocolate... so you're trying to trick me into poisoning Byakuya-sama!"

"Oh, so that's your darling," said Junko, feigning surprise. "I wouldn't have guessed! So you plan on buying Togami-kun store bought chocolate?" Her shoulders drooped and she twirled a lock of hair around her index finger. "oh... how despairing. how depairful. how despairingful. how despairingfully despairingful. imagine poor togami-kun seeing someone has given him a valentine. he unwraps it... and finds a box of chocolates from fukawa-san... but what's this?"

Touko leaned forward, body trembling. Aoi reached up and chewed on a fingernail. Chihiro clasped their hands together and gulped.

"fukawa-san left the price tag on." A shriek from Touko punctuated Junko's plot twist. "being the rich momma's boy that he is, togami-kun regards it as only worthy of being giri choco. with that, fukawa-san has doomed herself to an eternity in the friend zone with naegi-kun. what despairingfully despairingful despairingfullness. i have a fedora that would suit you if you need one."

"No!" Touko clutched at her braids and nearly tipped backward onto the floor. Good thing she didn't. Blood was a bitch to scrape out when it got between the tiles. "W-W-What should I do?"

Salvation came in the form of Sayaka.

"Fukawa-san, I can help you if you like," she said. "I've made chocolate before. It's quite straightforward once you get the hang of it."

Touko considered the offer. While she did so, her countenance shifted alongside her line of thought. Her brow contracted then relaxed. She pressed her lips together then pouted. Then she screwed up her face briefly before stepping forward to reluctantly accept Sayaka's proposal.

"Don't... Don't try anything funny though!" said Touko, curling her fingers toward her palms. "I... I'll notice if you slip any rat droppings in...!"

Hm. Rat droppings. Not bad. Junko mentally stored that suggestion away for future reference. She saluted at everyone. "All righty then! Let's make-a-lato choc-o-lato."

Sayaka scraped her hair back, fastening it into a ponytail with a hairband she had been wearing around her wrist. The rest of the students followed her to the sink to wash their hands. All except Kyouko, who kept her gloves on and went straight to where the aprons were stored. And Junko, who deemed her hands clean enough. Besides, what boy wouldn't want her germs inside them? When you kissed someone, you got their germs. And lots of people wanted to kiss her. By that logic, Junko needed to do the opposite of ridding herself of whatever germs that may or may not have been present on her body. She let her classmates do as they pleased, clearing her throat several times until they crowded around once more.

Delving her hand into a nearby carrier bag, Junko extracted half a dozen cookbooks and handed one to everybody present.

"This was very thoughtful of you, Enoshima-san," Chihiro said upon receiving theirs. They stumbled at the unexpected weight, recomposing themselves before walking over to a countertop that neighboured Aoi's.

Although chocolate was a single word, they all found that it did not mean there was a single recipe. Each book, even the thinner ones, contained several. Every page boasted a coloured photograph of an appetising treat that made even the most adamant of people waver on their previous choice.

Selecting what one deemed adequate proved easier for some than others. Touko accepted the first recipe Sayaka showed her- nama chocolate, which Sayaka claimed to be easy to make and resembled French truffles. Sayaka herself opted for almond chocolates after much deliberation, commenting that she baked cookies last year and felt this was different enough.

Junko searched for what would require the least effort and decided on peanut butter chocolate.

"Let's do this one!" Jabbing her finger against the page, Junko shunted her shoulder into Mukuro's side. "It'll take twenty minutes tops and then we can go stealth-mode on everyone else."

As much as Junko hated to admit it, so she did not admit it, there were a few students in the room she wasn't sure who they intended to give their honmei choco to. Actually most of them. Some were pretty obvious. Touko for a start. And Sakura, who had that boyfriend of hers. Kenichiro or something.

Mukuro probably meant to give hers to Makoto Naegi. Oh, how her darling sister spoke of that guy. How he smiled at her while others avoided eye contact. How his smiles were never contrived. Junko almost found it cute. The Super High School Soldier falling for an ordinary person like that...

She almost found it cute. Almost.

Mukuro didn't meet her gaze. Instead she gripped her cookbook tighter. "Actually, Junko-chan, I thought I could do this one?"

"Huh?" Junko draped her arm across Mukuro's shoulders and peered down. "'Chocolate-coated orange flakes'? You just dunk oranges into chocolate, right? That sounds a hell of a lot easier. We'll do that."

Mukuro's blush became more prominent, filling in the gaps between her freckles. "Well, the thing is... I want to make it my honmei choco."

Everyone looked up from what they were doing when Junko squealed. Chihiro, who had been weighing their cocoa powder, jumped and spilled a jagged line of it across the countertop. Some of Sakura's flour missed the bowl and sprinkled onto her cookbook.

"Who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-who-is-he-is-it-Naegi-kun-it's-totally-Naegi-kun-isn't-it?" said Junko while Mukuro did her best to keep a straight face.

"It's... not Naegi-kun." Leaving Junko to her confusion, Mukuro went to fill her saucepan with water. The water splattering against the bottom of pan synchronised with Junko's left eye twitching. It gushed as Junko's stomach gurgled with something that was either despair or gas. Neither said anything more to the other as Mukuro set her pan onto one of the stove's rings.

Fine. Whatever. Junko scowled when she ascertained Mukuro was looking her way. Yet that didn't stop Mukuro from using prongs to rotate an orange around in the pan's bubbling water. Of all the times to not want to copy her dear Junko-chan... but like Junko assured herself, it mattered not. While Mukuro prepared boring smelly orange slices that looked like someone shoved them up their arse, Junko would make delicious peanut butter chocolate and give it to Mukuro's target.

It must have been someone she met in detention. She had been supervising them a lot recently with Kiyotaka Ishimaru. Who knew Mukuro was into the rebel type?

Now the only person yet to settle on a recipe was Aoi. The others had all determined what they wished to bake by now: Chihiro and Kyouko chose simple chocolate that they would later mould into whatever shapes they desired, Celes royal milk tea chocolate hearts (the recipe called for green tea but she reckoned using her initiative would improve them) and Sakura found an easy to follow recipe for cookies.

"Hm..." Aoi picked up her cookbook. She flicked to the index page and skimmed her finger down it. Her forehead crinkled.

Sakura turned, pausing from creaming butter. "Is something wrong, Asahina?"

"I can't find a recipe for doughnuts."

Celes, who was situated at the countertop opposite Aoi's, brought a hand to her chin. "I've never heard of anyone giving out Valentine's doughnuts before. How amusing."

"You haven't?" Aoi glanced up. "Well, that's just not right! If I was a guy, there's nothing more I would want than a heart-shaped donut! Or maybe even just a regular donut." She lay her cookbook onto the countertop so she could place her hands onto her hips. "It can't be too hard! I'll need flour.. eggs... water... doughnut powder...?"

Junko stopped whacking her mallet against a pile of cookies she pretended was Mukuro's face. "What a shame. I didn't buy any donut powder. No Valentine's Day for you. Lawl."

Aoi raised a fist. "It doesn't matter! I'm sure I'll work out what to do... I'll improvise!"

"This will be interesting to watch," remarked Celes, pouring whipped cream into her small saucepan.

Chihiro didn't seem to agree.

"Maybe there's a recipe in mine?" Chihiro said, pushing their cookbook across their countertop toward Aoi. "This book has recipes for things other than chocolate. I don't know how to make any myself... I'm sorry I can't be of more help, Asahina-san..."

It turned out Chihiro's book included a recipe for doughnuts. Aoi waited until Chihiro no longer required the book before borrowing it. In addition to flour and eggs, doughnuts also contained milk and sugar and butter and more. Junko thought it a shame- she would have liked to see where Aoi's blind attempt would have led her.

Several minutes passed.

"Who are you guys giving your chocolates to?" asked Aoi, mixing yeast with lukewarm water. Her spoon clacked against the bowl. "I," she blushed, "haven't decided... yet... well I kind of... have an idea... but I don't want to give my special doughnut to someone who's already taken." She looked up with determined eyes. "So spill it! What about you, Celes-chan? Who is your chocolate for?"

Junko pricked up her ears.

"I am making them for our entire class but the number of chocolate hearts I plan to allocate to any one individual depends on their ranking," replied Celes. She removed her saucepan from the stove when the cream inside started bubbling and dumped into it chunks of white chocolate and butter. "For example, Oowada-kun has performed mediocrely so he will receive one heart." Celes took out a spatula from the drawer built into her countertop and stirred her mixture with it. "Togami-kun fared better so will receive two. Naegi-kun has exceeded my expectations and shall receive three as will Yamada-kun."

"Two?" Touko tightened her grip on her baking tray. Sayaka, who had been smoothing the surface of Touko's chocolate for her, looked up. "Y-You're giving Naegi and Yamada three but Byakuya-sama only two? Byakuya-sama... is worth more than two...!"

"I'm actually being rather generous in his case," said Celes. Mixture now smooth, she sifted royal milk tea powder into it. "After consistently staying out past curfew, he should be thankful he is receiving anything. As for his manners... they leave a lot to be desired. He's rather hopeless."

"D-Did you just call Byakuya-sama hopel-?"

"Enough," said Sakura, dropping blobs of cookie dough onto her baking tray. "You shouldn't stoop to arguing about such petty matters."

Chihiro nodded, apron squeaking when they fidgeted their hands against their chest. "Oogami-san is right. W-We're friends, aren't we? Friends get along, not fight..."

Celes turned her attention to Chihiro. "Let us change the subject then. Fujisaki-san, who do you wish to give your honmei choco to? There's no need to be shy about it." Having judged her mixture's colour to be homogenous, she lifted her saucepan and poured its contents into a baking tray. "Like you said, we are all friends here."

"Ah!" Chihiro flushed. "I... haven't... I can't... do that." They averted their gaze. "I don't have anyone in mind but... if didn't give any... honmei choco... it would seem weird, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah," said Junko. "But that should be the least of your concerns. What if you get rejected? What if they don't feel the same way? Huh? What will you do? Leave the country? Live the rest of your life under an assumed name? It's lose-lose."

She inwardly cackled at the horror on Chihiro's face. All this talk of love and friendship had put her on the verge of vomiting that could only be sedated by someone else's despair.

"It doesn't matter if you only give out giri choco," said Sayaka, spooning her chocolate into the individual wrappers she had lined up on her countertop. "That's what I'm doing."

"As am I," Sakura said. "There is nothing strange about it, Fujisaki."

Chihiro relaxed. Junko sneered.

Party poopers.

Nothing of particular interest happened during the next half hour. The smell of chocolate smothered the kitchen's previous odour. People weighed ingredients. Stirred. Heated mixtures. Sayaka informed Touko that some chocolate had got onto her nose while she had been tasting her spoon, to which Touko retorted that she had only been assessing its flavour which admittedly was possibly good enough for Byakuya. At that, Sayaka giggled and swiped her finger across Touko's nose. Touko's complexion pinkened and she hurried away to secure a good spot in the refrigerator for her chocolates. Though not after muttering, "t-thanks," under her breath. Sayaka pretended not to hear.

Kyouko and Chihiro browsed through the moulds Junko bought, the former deciding on a silicone one that would shape her chocolates into flowers and the latter choosing one that would shape theirs into hearts.

"Eh, Kirigiri-san!" Junko came up from behind and wrapped her arm around Kyouko's waist. She squeezed Kyouko to her side. "Who's the lucky duck getting your honmei choco, huh?"

Junko could guess who her victim was but when someone else confirmed what she already knew, it was all the more satisfying. And maybe her sister would overhear. Mukuro was nearby chatting to Sayaka and Celes. Probably about her honmei chocolate. Junko bet she lied about not planning on giving them to Makoto. She hoped Mukuro heard Kyouko's answer. It would serve her right for not telling Junko the truth. And it would serve her right in a despairingfully despairingful way.

Kyouko merely smiled.

Apparently the most time-consuming part of making chocolates was the part where you didn't do anything at all. That period varied from a few hours to an overnight stay in the refrigerator as they cooled. Soon after everything had been stored away and the kitchen had been cleaned, Yasuhiro popped his head into the kitchen and asked whether it was safe for them to come in so they could make dinner.

"Nope," said Junko. "Until tomorrow, the kitchen is off-limits to all you guys." She grabbed a broom and brandished it. "Now please get the fuck out."

Junko Enoshima had a way with words but she noticed people listened more attentively when her sister tagged along. Not that Junko would ever contribute these successes to her sister. It just saved time if Mukuro accompanied her around the dormitories as they gathered their male classmates on Valentine's Day.

The boys, she discovered, were easy to persuade into the cafeteria when enticed with chocolates. Only Byakuya met her with some resistance, saying he wanted nothing to do with this and anyway he had told Touko not to buy him anything. After two minutes of her listing synonyms of 'boring' that involved words such as 'dreary' and 'Byakuya Togami', he snapped that he would humour her with his presence only so she would leave him alone.

Once everybody had been rounded up and seated at the table in the middle of the room, Junko ordered for the valentines to be retrieved. That morning, they had decorated their treats in preparation for this moment. This moment full of broken hearts and uncomfortable silences that she would bask in.

When they returned from the kitchen, Junko leaving last, she lingered by the door so she had a clearer view of what went on.

She started her inspection with her sister. After Mukuro gave most of their class small bags of store bought chocolate, not meeting many of their gazes, she revealed her box of chocolate oranges. Or, more accurately, the shit-stained oranges. Junko ground her teeth together. Now to find out which bastard captured her sister's attentions. Apparently she had told Junko the truth, giving the same bag of chocolate to Makoto as the others so far. So it was a different bastard. But what bastard? Which bastard dared try to sway Mukuro's supposedly resolute loyalty away from her? Mondo? Celes? Leon?

"Here, Junko-chan." Mukuro pressed the box into her sister's hands. "These are for you."

"Eh?" Junko blinked. "Eh? You're meant to give them to the love of your life. Like... the person you want to spend the rest of your life with even when you're old and wrinkly and you can't afford facelifts on your pension."

"I know... and you're the most important person to me."

What a hopeless girl. Which is what Junko liked most about her sister. She ruffled Mukuro's hair as she surveyed the room for any interesting going-ons.

One presented itself to her immediately.

"I told you not to buy me anything," said Byakuya, glaring down at the heart-shaped box in Touko's hands. He sat with his usual posture, arms folded and one leg crossed over the other, wearing a sour expression Junko wanted to pinch at with her sharp red nails. "You have three seconds to throw that thing into the trash."

"You s-said not to buy you anything... s-so I made them!" Touko squeezed her eyes shut and shoved the box forward. It crumpled against his nose. "T-They're just for you, Byakuya-sama!"

She opened her eyes. Then, realising she had just thrusted her gift into his face, she paled and stepped back. He grimaced, rubbing his knuckles against his nose.

Junko regretted not bringing popcorn. So she contented herself with snacking on one of Mukuro's chocolate oranges.

"I'm sorry!" Touko's face scrunched up more than the box she was still holding. "Sorry-sorry-sorry-sorry-sorry-sor-!"

"Be quiet," he said, snatching the box out of her hands. He unraveled its ribbon and let the strip of purple silk flutter to the floor. When he opened the box and peered at its contents, he wore an expression that was an amalgamation of disgust, confusion and curiosity. Reaching in, he plucked out one of the chocolates and stared at it awhile.

He tasted one. She looked like she was about to pass out. Junko hoped she would- Genocider Syo knew how to liven things up.

"... Not bad." He ate another. Touko watched him, beaming behind her hands.

Aoi bypassed her and dropped a misshapen doughnut onto the table beside Byakuya. Although Aoi said her doughnuts were supposed to be heart-shaped, they bore a greater resemblance to chubby snowflakes. She gave every student a doughnut, giving Sakura the one that turned out what she deemed the best. Junko thought she had handed them all out but glanced up from snorting at her doughnut to find Aoi in front of Yasuhiro.

"H-Here," Aoi said. If she used any more force, she would have punched him in the face with his doughnut. "It's not chocolate but... I put chocolate sprinkles on yours. Heh. But that should be okay. I mean who doesn't like doughnuts?"

"It's perfect, Asahina-chi!" He went on about how it reminded him of one of his make-believe creatures Junko always heard him blabber about. Aoi nodded politely and looked like she wanted to say something more but decided better of it.

Losing interest, Junko aimed for his hair and flung her doughnut. It smacked into her target, its hole slipping down one of his dreadlocks. Yasuhiro jerked his head forward, removing the doughnut from his hair. By now, Aoi had turned away with her cheeks yet to cool.

"Whoa, I get two?" he said. Aoi froze. "That means I'm twice as special, 'right? Thanks, Asahina-chi!"

"What?" She spun around. "But I...?" Seeing his joy, she trailed off and scratched the back of her head. "I mean you're welcome... heh heh."

Crap. Had Junko seriously just improved their day? All this had been so she could review who was interested in who. Not help set anyone up together. She couldn't care less about that. In fact, Junko had assumed they would all fail. They were all supposed to feel awkward and embarrassed and emotions were supposed to be trodden on. Friendships severed. Lives ruined.

But no. Kyouko told Makoto she had misplaced her chocolates in the kitchen and could he come help look for them? That should have torn Mukuro in two but other than swiftly looking their way, she didn't react.

She didn't do much of anything until Celes approached her shortly after with two royal milk tea hearts. What the hell was Celes's problem? She only gave Junko one. One! Kyouko got five yet she got one? Mukuro received more than her? What was up with that?

Sayaka caught up to Makoto and Kyouko on their way to the kitchen, giving them both almond chocolates with pink icing hearts on them for being her 'two best friends'. The one she presented to Touko had white stars on top 'for a star cook'. She left a blushing Touko and walked up to Leon, who had been following her around the room as subtly as possible. Which for him wasn't subtly at all.

"Kuwata-kun, I'm giving you the biggest one for all the work you've put into your singing lessons," she said. Leon accepted the almond chocolate, matching her smile with a wider one.

"Oi! Kuwata-kun!" yelled Junko, cupping one hand around her mouth. "Just kiss her already!"

Red exploded across his face. Sayaka chuckled and turned her attention toward Celes, who had just given Hifumi Yamada the last four chocolates for being an acceptable butler with a chance of receiving a promotion in the foreseeable future. And also because she didn't want any herself after Mondo gagged and Makoto had to steady himself against a table after consuming one.

"She didn't say no," Leon muttered. Although flushed, he seemed pleased and managed to grin. "Maizono-chan... didn't say no to the idea of kissing me!" He threw his head back and directed his face toward the ceiling. "Hell yes!"

Mondo, who had yet to stand up, brought Sakura's cookie away from his mouth and smirked. "I don't remember her saying yes either."

Next to him sat Kiyotaka, who Junko expected had been about to reprimand Leon when Chihiro distracted him by offering the three heart-shaped chocolates. Leon nabbed one and thanked Chihiro as an afterthought, bumping into Touko on his way to the kitchen. Both bickered until Kiyotaka strode over and insisted loudly that they apologise to each other. Then they argued with him too.

Chihiro gave Mondo a chocolate heart. "Th-This is for you, Oowada-kun. I made them yesterday, but you presumably already knew that because of how they look... and you were there when Enoshima-san shooed you out... ah! I said something obvious, didn't I? I'm sorry..." They looked down. "I've probably weirded you out now..."

"Nah, you're not weird at all. Don't worry about it," said Mondo, nibbling the chocolate. His eyes lit up. "Hey, this is great!"

"Really? You like it? Yay! You... You can have the rest if you want...!"

"Seriously?"

"Sure! I just need to give one to Ishimaru-kun first. Oh...! The three of us can eat them together. Is that alright?"

Junko balled her fist tighter around the over baked cookie she got from Sakura. Crumbs and chocolate chips escaped from between her fingers, pattering against the floor like Chihiro's footsteps as they and Mondo reunited with Kiyotaka.

This day couldn't get any worse.

Mukuro approached Kiyotaka and extended her arm forward. In her hand was a box much like the one she gave Junko. "This... is for you, Ishimaru-kun. For all the hard work you've-!"

The rest of her sentence was drowned out by Junko storming out of the cafeteria in a fit of despair.


End file.
